Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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