foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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