Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
