You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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