have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
