P.S. I can't hear my feet
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
