I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
