Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
