return my video game
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize