White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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