I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
