I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
