I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
