Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
