I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
