Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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