Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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