There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
