Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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