I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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