Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
