This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize