Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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