I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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