i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
