I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
