I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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