You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
