We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
