I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
