Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
