I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
