dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
