Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
