You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
