She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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