No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
