I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
