Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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