just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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