i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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