I'm gonna have a badass scar
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
