My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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