she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
