guys are only as good as the porn they watch
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize