My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
