Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
