pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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