Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
