Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
birth control should be required to get into college
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
