I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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