redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
