i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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