Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
