Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
