TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
