I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
