This girl is more easily done than said...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
did i walk over a car last night?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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