Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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