help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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