Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
