Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
