Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
