whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
