I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
