He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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