I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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