PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
