Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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