were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
